taste in men
I do believe that a relationship, let it be an amorous one, needs to have a beginning and an end. the sad truth is, life’s a bitch and never works the way you want to (or if it does, you’ve got to pay karma debts for your happiness afterwards) and it doesn’t matter how much of a cold hearted bitch you are or pretend to be, it gets to you. nobody likes to be left for someone else and even if you think you’re so over this, you’re not. maybe I’m a very possessive person is all, but I do like to believe I’m not the only one with an evil side.
now the question is… how much am I willing to sacrifice my own happiness and peace of mind for the well-being of someone who let me down and lied to me for months straight but is still very dear to me?
I could ruin this person’s life, and someone else’s who is involved with this thing, too, in a few seconds if I wanted to, and I would feel happy because then I’m not the only one left with nothing. everyone else would be devastated, but I would feel like a champion because I ruined someone. this kind of power wears me out, destroys me and brings out the fucking worst of me, but I am STILL tempted to take advantage of it.
I want to hurt someone just to not be the only one hurt, because I hate being the only weak one. I tend to blame everyone else for getting me this weak but the truth is, I am the one to blame. and as I said… I have the chance to rise from this fucking pit and make others even weaker, but the only way to do it is by making some people VERY, very unhappy.
it’s all so very tempting, then yet again I need to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a jealous teenager. which I probably am. I should handle this like an adult.
I think I’m just gonna go for sabotage first…
