Music Or Die

okay so these two songs are quite recent discoveries (and that’s why I’m gonna tag them that). where I got to know this band with a funky name was the (in)famous TV series Gossip Girl. I’m not gonna excuse myself by saying anything like “yeah, lame, I know, but it’s my guilty pleasure and don’t pretend like you don’t have ‘em” because it’s not at all a guilty pleasure. I used to check torrentz.com every tuesday for torrents of 2nd season episodes, because they aired in the States every monday night. I’d be pissed off if there wasn’t an episode for some reason. when I watch this series, I breathe, think, sing, eat, drink and dance Gossip Girl. sometimes I even wish I had their lives, but then I come back down to earth, thank you very much. if I’m not wrong, it was the final episode of the 2nd season that I’d just downloaded and as usual, I was on my bed, armed with a box of chocolate candy and some soda pop, lights out and ready to nosedive into the world of Gossip Girl for one last time (I was sure it was the last episode EVER until some kind soul - Jon probably - cast a light on my dark path by saying that there would be another season). here, you have to understand me, for a girl who likes Gossip Girl it’s an emotional moment. will this episode finally bring Chuck and Blair, the most perfect couple in the series AND in real world, together? will we see Blair crying at yet another fancy toilet telling Chuck that he had wasted his last chance? I, personally, was also rooting for Dan and Serena getting back together but sadly, this never happened. maybe in the 3rd season? anyway, Chuck and Blair *did* get back together and the final scene of the episode was of them, kissing, preceded by the most romantic speech by Chuck, of course. I guess I watched this scene 3 times before I actually noticed the song that was in the background, but when I did I immediately wanted to find it and download it. that’s right. my first reflex is downloading, not legally buying music. I’m born in the 90s, I’m a child of the Information Generation, what do you want me to do about it?

anyway, when I hear a song somewhere and I don’t know the name of the band nor the name of the song, I get this weird rush of listening to the lyrics and writing them down entre guillemets on google and pushing enter and seeing if I find the right one. this time, I found the right one instantly. the first search result was from a Gossip Girl forum and someone was as in trouble as I was - “plz tell me the name of the song that wuz on GG tonight when B and C kissed!!! plz ne1?”
if I had been my usual me, I’d have thought of a witty comment and never written it, but I understood that this poor girl was in the same boat as I was. I was actually ready to make a similar plea on a different forum, but I scrolled down and already the next comment was a kind stranger telling us that the song was called Season of Love and that the band was called Shiny Toy Guns. I immediately headed to torrentz.com and, impatient as I am, decided to download only this one song instead of the whole album. after liking this song a lot, I downloaded the whole album but wasn’t much impressed by other songs than these two - Season of Love and When Did This Storm Begin?

so, to clear things up a bit, I have to mention that I had a boyfriend at that time. it was my first relationshitp and me being the fuss I am, I was constantly worried about it. I had no idea how to be a girlfriend. at times, things would look really sombre between us, we weren’t talking to each other a lot and avoiding each other for no reason and at other times we held hands and looked like, well, a young and happy couple.

the thing is, he wasn’t much of a talker. and me, I talk too much. and this is a big issue for me when the person I am hanging out with is untalkative for no good reason. “that’s the way I am” is no good reason. anyway, during the time of that relationship, whenever I took the train or another public transport where I could be alone and listen to my music, I’d put one of these two songs, depending on if things seemed to be working out or not.

When Things Seemed To Be Working Out
so, when things seemed to be working out I chose Season of Love as the first song to listen to. I especially liked the mornings in spring (the relationship started, lasted and basically ended in spring) when I got to the train station exactly in time with sunrise. I’d take 2 morning papers, crack open a Red Bull and sit in the train which always arrived at the same time as I did. I’d struggle to find my iPod in my silver bag which was always too big when you wanted to find something but nevertheless too small for a 3-day city trip. normally, after finding the iPod i had already finished half of the Red Bull and read the most interesting parts of the morning papers (horoscope - pointless, comics - pretty good, headlines - devastating, weather - good) and I could concentrate on helping myself into my personal trance. I always chose a seat next to the window and tried to untangle the cord of my headphones while looking out of the train window at these amazing mountains, these amazing fields, this amazing lake, this amazing Lausanne.. wow, I get nostalgic thinking of these times, yet I’m happy they’re over. I’m a paradoxical little motherfucker. anyway, I’d choose Season of Love because on mornings like these, you just CAN NOT listen to any other song when you have this on your player.

so I put it on and a smile would instantly appear on my face, if it wasn’t already there. from the very beginning of the song, I got the feeling I was falling into a mountain of soft cotton, a bit like this stuff here on the right.

with the sun now already shining, the water sparkling with this weird blue-silvery glow and this song in my ear, I was the princess of my own little world. I had friends around me (not at that very given moment of course, but you get the point) who loved me, I had a boyfriend who I thought I loved and who I thought loved me, I had a great time at school, I had a great time everywhere in fact.

the song starts with weird chanting that is unintelligible at first, like when the Imaam invites Muslims to pray. but soon you figure out what the singer’s saying and - lo and behold! - it’s not in Arab! it’s a call to love! lyrics are: “LOOOOOOVE! FEEEL LOOOOOVE!”. sounds like yet another Freedom Parade hymn but I swear it’s not.

the intro is only chant and a string quartet and then the powerful drums kick in. I don’t really know what they are, maybe just tom-drums with an effect but they do have an effect on me. they calm me down and they get the music flowing. from there on, you might really think you are hallucinating - never such a beautiful piece of music has touched the inside of your ears and tickled your braincells before. everything you see seems magical and if you were mentally unstable, you’d probably see pink unicorns and cute rabbits strollin’ about. I am mentally stable and I let myself be taken to another place, a happier place, by this enchanting melody that sings:

every question
every answer too
ever constant
ever changing you
it’s all memory in the sun
or it’s all in the darkness

actually, it was only now that I got to know that the lyrics are like this, I used to hear “it’s a memory in the sun, or it’s hell in the darkness”. maybe I’m too cryptic, but I like my version more. I didn’t see what the author of these lyrics would mean with these lines but I could relate to them oh-so-well - it seemed like this was exactly what was on my mind. random statements, the memories in the sun I’d shared with my then-cheri and so on and so forth. next lyrics:

maybe it’s all around to see if we try
and maybe it’s been inside of me all this time

what poetry! what simplicity in such a true statement! I remind you that it was my first relationship and you all know the feeling “why did he/she pick me? oh my god! am I really gonna LOVE for the first time in my life? can’t wait to get to know that feeling! I can’t believe someone like him/her could love someone like me!” and so on. and then they chant “Love, love, love, looooove, looove, looove” for a while as if to affirm you that yes, this is it! this is your shot at love!

crazy with it
crazier without
never certain
never full of doubt
now you feel it
now you don’t
do you know what you’re feeling
where did it come from and where does it go
if it were right in front of me
would I know

and you want to open the train window and ask the world HOW CAN ANYONE I’VE NEVER MET PUT MY FEELINGS INTO LYRICS AND POUR THEM INTO SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SONG? because that’s the way it was - sometimes I was sure of my feelings for him, sometimes I felt there were none. I went crazy whenever we had our “I just won’t talk to you today *pout*” days and I went crazy when I didn’t see him at all. so yeah, you get what I mean. this song was meant for me. I listened to it over and over, as long as I reached my destination and smiled for the whole day, even if I didn’t see him, all thanks to a beautiful sunny morning spent in the company of Season of Love.

I loved those mornings.

by the way, I sent this song to my boyfriend too. he didn’t think much of it. guess we weren’t on the same wavelength after all. maybe that’s why he tried to cheat on me with my best friend?*

When Things Didn’t Seem To Be Working Out
So, this was usually after a day of our “I’m ignoring you for no apparent reason” that I walked to the bus stop, the corners of my mouth heading more south than north and manically searched for When Did This Storm Begin? on my iPod.

already when I saw the title I thought to myself “really, when DID this storm begin? when did I let myself get hurt so easily?” and other girly emo shit. and then I sunk  into the harsh, real world that is When Did This Storm Begin?

first of all, there is no point in quoting the lyrics this time and discussing them because they are no way in rapport with my feelings of deception and instability in an amorous relationship, as the song talks about a daughter/woman who’s beaten by her father/husband? I never really understood. so that was not my case.

also I cannot really give praise on the girl’s vocal performance on this one, as it sounds like wannabe Guano Apes slash Fergie and it doesn’t go with the music at all, this weird rapping. but the guy who sings the choruses and the beginning od the song.. EARGASMS ALL AROUND! this guy has such a powerful voice, I wonder why didn’t he tell the chick to shut up and let him sing.
during the whole song, he doesn’t say more than “call my name, answer me where I stand” and he repeats it over and over again. but I think it’s the 2nd chorus where he sings this and repeats this and then does this MOST AWESOME male belting I’ve heard so far in my life. if somene sings with emotion, it’s him. and when I’m feeling down, then all I want to hear is audio-emotion. this song is the perfect fit for this kind of mood.

I didn’t send this one to my boyfriend. maybe I should have and it would have affected him in some way as to not try to cheat on me with my best friend?

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*as I don’t want to leave open ends in my posts, I did dump the bastard for that. de plus, he didn’t really like Season of Love either. what an ass.